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[rootsforyou]

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[rootsforyou]

That was too harsh of me.

[clears her throat, a slight flush of pink spreading across her cheeks; how embarrassing :(]

I didn't mean to startle you. I'm sorry. I only meant to convey that he doesn't think of you as something unpleasant. He thinks very highly of you and cares for your well-being. I can promise you this. If a recent discussion left you with that impression, then it must be a misunderstanding.

[laughitoff]

[a harsh little sound, not relaxing]

He thought my reconciliation gift was a joke. He said it himself.

[rootsforyou]

[small, confused distress]

What were you giving him a reconciliation gift for? What happened before this?

[laughitoff]

...when we came here, I still thought he had participated in the final attack on the Burial Mounds...I ended up attacking and accusing him before he explained.

[rootsforyou]

[she is still making faces, brow furrowing, mouth tilted downward; missing a ton of context isn't helping her to parse this situation better. fingers gently stroke his ears in quiet apology over her stern words, shoulders hunching inward]

I see. So you wished to give him a gift as an apology for that time, and he thought it was a joke. Is that the whole of it?

[laughitoff]

He thought I was being cruel, too. But he said in the next breath he thought well of me. What am I supposed to think of something like that? I don't like it.

[rootsforyou]

No, you're right. You can only judge him by his words and actions. Even if he was having difficulty articulating what he meant to you, it isn't cause to react poorly.

I do think that he truly thinks well of you at heart. But if that isn't reaching you...telling him so directly may make him think on how to express it better.

[soft, soft pets]

And perhaps, grant him some patience as he figures out how to best do so.

[laughitoff]

[he makes an effort to curl up smaller, which is something to see when he is six feet tall]

Hm!

[rootsforyou]

[he is allowed to be as small as he wants]

I'm sorry things aren't going well between you two. I do hope you're able to make amends. You wouldn't be this upset about it if you didn't value his opinion.

[laughitoff]

[T: :T T: :T

digs his fingertips into the soft dirt at the garden's edge, worrying at it]

I'm not ungrateful to him. I just...I don't know.

[rootsforyou]

[pulls his hand out of the dirt with her free hand and holds it]

Will you try to tell me what you can, so I can understand? I don't want to misunderstand anything.

[laughitoff]

...I don't really know where to start?

[he does squeeze her hand though]

[rootsforyou]

I don't know where to tell you to start. I suppose...You were fighting at the Nightless City, and thought he was at the siege of the Burial Mounds a few months later. Was that resolved?

[laughitoff]

He said he wasn't there at all. He has to have come afterwards, to find A-Yuan...I don't really know what happened to him, but I think he must have been punished for helping me at Nightless City.

I don't really know how to talk to him. I thought he was an enemy for a long time. I'm not used to him being...something else.

[rootsforyou]

Weren't you friends when you were younger? Is it too difficult to act like you did back then? A little bit at a time.

[laughitoff]

...

We weren't friends. He never let me make friends with him.

[rootsforyou]

The way he spoke made me think that you were both friends. He...liked you a lot.

[there is no delicate way to say 'I am pretty sure he was madly in love with you' but she can only work with the words she's got. squeezes his hand]

If it's the same as it is now, it may be that he has difficulty expressing his fondness for others outwardly. It's awkward to ask someone if that's the case directly, of course.

[laughitoff]

...

[looks aside, hunching his shoulders further]

Do you truly think so?

[rootsforyou]

I do.

Hanguang-Jun has been unfailingly polite to me since I arrived. He has helped us both, indulged my many questions, offered insight and guidance, spoken fondly of you, and gone out of his way to assist in the ways he can.

[brushes a few stray strands of hair out of his face]

Although I do not doubt that it is in his nature to provide aid to those he meets, I am quite sure he did not do any of those things for my sake. Before this we have barely done more than exchange pleasantries. He helped me because I am your shijie, and doing so would lessen your burden.

[laughitoff]

[his ears and tail twitch uncomfortably; he doesn't quite believe the part about none of it being for Yanli's sake directly, but the rest hits deep under his skin, every word a small stab of guilt. no, he shouldn't be cruel to someone who's helped defend his sister and tried to save her life; someone who'd saved A-Yuan; someone who professes to be an ally and proves it with his actions, even if he won't be a friend.]

Then what should I do? If talking doesn't work, and gestures don't work.

[rootsforyou]

I don't know. I don't know what he does that's different when it's just the two of you or how it ends in arguments. Even if I could say what I would do in a situation, it isn't the same as what you would do, is it?

...What do you think of Hanguang-Jun? Don't tell me what he thinks of you. I want to know what you think of him.

[laughitoff]

...

He unnerves me. I...I am grateful to him for what he's done, but it's hard to tell where he stands. Sometimes I'm glad he's here and sometimes I wish he really wasn't...he doesn't belong in a place like this, anyway. Neither of you do.

[rootsforyou]

None of us do. But we're already here. I don't want to fret about it too much, even if I wish it were a little different.

What do you want to know about where he stands?

[laughitoff]

...

I don't know why he's standing up for me. As you said, he'll take his duty to aid others seriously--he's a righteous man. But it's not like I am.

[rootsforyou]

A-Xian...That's not true.

[it's gentler than the last time she said it, almost sad. but also unwavering]

You've spent your whole life helping others and doing what you think is right. Would you dare to say you're not a righteous man to me? I watched you grow up. Just because society has misunderstood you doesn't mean you need to misunderstand yourself. I'm sure Hanguang-Jun sees the same man that I do in you.